Devotion and Devouring
Blow-by-blow tips for enhancing both his and her pleasure in giving oral sex.
Warning: Adult content 🔥
This has been big on my mind lately... (and luckily enough also in my reality).
Not just the devotional art of pleasuring a man (I think very possibly my favourite thing) but also in conversations with both men and women. (I love my conversations!)
Some women simply don't like to and I know this can be understandable when that's trauma-related, but to make matters worse they often do it anyway. This breaks my heart for everyone concerned and I would recommend good couples/singles therapy for this with a qualified expert such as Eve Glimma.
But if you haven't had trauma... then keep reading... if indeed you are interested in a more wholesome experience from either side, single or couple, motivated by a desire for a deeper more ecstatic, loving, and complete experience for yourself, in the gifting of this devotional practice. Rest assured, your lover as the receiver will also experience a dramatic increase in pleasure by default.
Much of what follows also applies to men giving their female lovers pleasure... well except the deep throat part!
This image gets my juices flowing simply in anticipation of what’s to come!
The Devotional Energy of Worship
This a choice from your heart, from your own eros and presence, your passion and commitment to pleasure. If you are not used to this energy, it at first be perhaps simply reflecting on how you would love to be worshipped on the altar of devotion. To bring consciousness into every touch, every breath, every moment. This is Tantra.
Setting a ritual space and intention with your lover for this practice helps you both drop in. Even one candle, a specific temple playlist, fresh sheets, or a picnic rug in nature, can set the scene.
Lay him down on his back…
Right from the start, remember you are paying attention to EVERY moment, every detail… breathing every moment into you, into him. Even laying him on his back by holding his gaze and gently placing pressure on his heart with your palm. Slowly increase the push until he’s laid back, pinning him for a moment before slowly removing your hand.
Every suggestion below is done with presence, intention, and purpose-fullness. Every time you breathe consciously, encourage him to breathe with you… so breathe him.
Sometimes I love to restrain my lover with soft cuffs, allowing them to more easily drop into their submission, by removing permission for them to “do” anything. They can’t “give back”, only receive. They can’t distract you with their touch to you either. They drop into receiving mode and be only with that. Of course… as a woman in the receiving position, I love this permission to not “give back”. to simply lie there and be worshiped.
Slow your touch… softly caresses him… slow squeezes of the muscles of his shoulders, arms, hands, thighs… all over the body, wherever you feel drawn… including tantalising his lingam (Sanskrit for cock) with soft strokes or holding, but not focusing here.
Smell him… breathe him in… notice his scent and let your breath touch his skin… nuzzle into his neck, chest, belly, lingam…
Position yourself between his legs and cup his lingam with your hands, like in prayer. and eye gaze up to him. Whether he is looking at you or not, repeatedly look up. He will at some point look down and if he catches your gaze…. hmmm…. it will take him (and you) even deeper. And when you do, bow your head down between your forearms. This is your man. Be in worship and devotion, to this.
Kiss his lingum softly, again and again. Hover over the head of his lingum, breathing out your soft hot breath… let your mouth drool if it’s doing this naturally. It may not at first, but over repeated rituals your body will know at this point the feasting that is about to begin… it will respond with salivation!
Again… look up at his face… meet his gaze or not… see the pleasure he is in… and revel in that… Yum!
Slowly… ever so slowly… with moisture from your mouth… take his head into your mouth… (More guidance here will be in the eBook, otherwise, this musing will be too long!)
Spend as much time as you can here in slowness, even stillness, melting, merging. Often slide your hand up from his belly to his heart and hold it there. This somatically gently reprograms his system, connecting his cock to the heart, his head (and any thoughts) down to his heart.
In this phase, I am intentionally not creating a super hard cock. I want him in his receptivity, his softness. If his lingum becomes hard then you are bringing too much “heat” and allowing the focus to stay in the sex centre. Then, be still and move the energy with your hands from just above the cock in slow strokes up to the heart, up to his throat (hold a moment, softly… yum!), jaw, shoulders, and down his arms to his hands.
This is somatically retraining his body to spread his pleasure throughout his body. To receive you and your loving touch, to open his heart and his being to pleasure beyond his previous capacity.
Catherine McCormack in the non-fiction 1998 movie “Dangerous Beauty”, the life of Veronica Franco, Venetian poet and courtesan, based on Margaret Rosenthal’s book “The Honest Coutesan”.
Please note that a soft cock is NO reflection of a man’s level of arousal, desire, how amazing its been so far, or how attracted he is to you!!!
Let’s not fall for that old carrot!
I often explain that to a new lover during our initial drop in talk. That I consider this to be an essential part of the ebb and flow of love making, of healthy restorative sex. Softness, hardness, it’s a dance.
Ravishment: The devouring
Once you have bathed in this devotion and you have him in the palm of your hand, open and in surrender, we can slowly begin to up the energy, pace and heat. You are both now feeling connected and aroused on a deeper level. But… wait for your own internal signal that you are both ready…
I find that the timing of this moment comes through me in an aliveness. I feel his complete surrender and (in my words when I am the one there receiving) I hit a moment where my body opens so wide and fully and I feel “I am yours… do with me what you will!”.
When I feel this shift of surrender in my lover, my “hunter / predator” awakes…
This, right here, is a place that I could speak on and illuminate for a whole book. This place of “Conscious taking” and owning your predator archetype is where I truly believe that owning and embodying can save humanity and eternal need for war. I am literally not exaggerating and I will expand this topic in another blog. It was the focus of my talk at “Enlightenment in the Bedroom” event earlier this year. The shadow of taking is the true pandemic of humanity.
Suffice to say here that some deep personal development can help to unlock this very repressed archetype. Its repression has led to it’s shadow being so prevalent in our world and why it’s such a passion of mine to take it out the shadows and run it through our loverships in this deeply consensual and ecstatic way.
For, to quote Joshua Schrei from “The Emerald” podcast (note #):
… if we do not find a way to ritually express our need to be at one with the predator/prey cycle of nature…
“We will instead prey upon each other”.
Men when you the one in the active position, you MUST give more time initially to the devotion piece to your female lover (hetero-normative for a moment, this blog generally suits any gender). You may need in fact to be only this, repeatedly initially, until your lover truly feels your devotion. Give yourself to her, that she might receive your devotion and worship into her cellular memory, replacing past hurts by this simple ritual.
Be patient and trust that you will feel when it is time, when she feels safe that you adore her, to then drop into ravishing her, devouring her. THIS she also wants to feel! So desired by you that you want to eat her up! Consume her, intoxicated by her scent, her juices, her engorgement, her openness to you. Devour her with your love.
Whether in stillness or the drooling beast, both polarities can only be fully met in surrender.
Bring your beast through you from your base and FEEL your animal, your primal desire to devour and feast without decorum Allow the drool to spill down your face and drop onto his belly, to fill yourself with the Divine Masculine, all the way in, all the way down to your heart! Let it take you, possess you in your ravishing of this exquisite specimen of masculinity… for YOUR pleasure… and I can assure you for his also.
This is where it becomes obvious, I hope, that surrender is required in both parties. Whether you are in the “not doing” of stillness or the drooling beast of ravishment, both polarities can only be fully met in oneself with surrender. Surrender of not caring what it looks like, doing or not doing. Just to be in the pleasure and honour of this being opening and allowing you to consciously take your pleasure from his body to the fullest of your capacity to surrender to that.
For who cannot sense when our lover is simply “down there” to please us? Out of love, service, or duty, it still is not the same as knowing your lover is consuming you in pleasure, loving your surrender, loving their devouring and claiming of their prey that is you. Yum!
You can make this last as long as you want to! This is YOUR chance for a power trip!! Haha! If you want to continue, then slow it back down… it is so much fun! I get such a buzz out of being in control of their erotic dial, their heat, and their energy. Take it right back to stillness, let it build again… and again. This is a fabulous way to create longevity in your partner’s ejaculation and in doing so, increasing his own control over his release and significantly raise his ability to reach higher peaks of ecstasy than he ever imagined possible.
Complete in whatever way you desire. Orgasm, no orgasm, sacred penetration, or right back into the stillness of the altar.
Lay together, in bliss, in silence, allowing this ritual space to merge into your connected relating.
I welcome reports, sharing, and questions on your adventures with all that is contained herein.
Epilogue
Lastly, there’s a basic element, which I find unbelievable I have to spell out... but conversations have enlightened me that I must include it here.
Please been clean and fresh as a daisy in teh morning dew. If you desire this to be a repeated exploration!
Free eBook coming soon with more encouraging tips on these topics.
# “The Emerald” podcast, Joshua Shrei: “War and ritual ecstasy”